i constantly fear the reasons guiding the want/need to go home won't be there anymore when i go home. mortality. distance. no-talking. interference.

i really don't understand. so much i want is just right there for the taking, for the loving and for the cherishing, and yet its so complex, so unhappy, so convoluted, so messy.

i seek the exceptional, the different, the interesting. and yet at the same time i wonder on what basis do i have the right to demand such.

i feel that i'm in a different world sometimes. removed, excluded. i'm moving beyond the insignificant. i'm doing my darnest to make a difference.

and for that i'm happy. it is ok to be me.

and i will look at it with a cool indifference. for that's the only way to get through this is it not.

at the end of the day. we return to our own rooms, our own flats, our own worlds. paths intersect in the day, briefly before diverging once more. life is just a whole bunch of such criss-crossing lines that sprawl out, creeping and crawling. and until the day where i get the one that diverges in the day, and intersects in the night...